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June 20, 2007

Janeane Garofalo to undergo "Catholic School" therapy

janeane garofalo on the skids

In a shocking - but very welcome to this site - announcement, ex-cutie Janeane Garofalo has announced that she will be undergoing a controversial treatment for her various issues: Catholic reeducation. She decided to undergo this life-changing event after friends and fans reacted with horror to this recent video where she promotes her new flop film 'Ratatouille'. Some fans compared her to "someone you'd see outside a Hollywood 7-11 at 3am on a Tuesday begging for 'gas money'". Others were even less kind with those same people making disturbing charges.

As part of the treatment, the plucky actress will be issued a genuine Catholic schoolgirl outfit. The treatment consists of a squad of nuns from Opus Dei who will cloister the former Air America Radio star at a cloister somewhere in Upstate New York. No blonde wigs there! No cigs either, as any attempt to smoke will be met with a sharp rebuke... with a ruler! After a time, treatment experts expect her to lose her now-husky voice as well as her worrisome hacking cough. Regular exercise combined with healthy meals will help her lose her gaunt look. Dermabrasion specialists from SUNY-Jamestown will remove the series of extremely unsightly tattoos from her arms, including one that looks like a flexed arm muscle and others. "Tattoos are for sailors and strippers, young lady!" as Sister Natalie is fond of saying. A team of helpful recovering liberals will help her understand that she can disagree with someone's political point of view without hating them.

And, this site will be there to welcome her back.

Posted in Janeane at June 20, 2007 05:17 PM

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