Because I care about former Air America Radio hosts whose careers have since gotten even worse, I've decided to help Al Franken out with the following set of daily affirmations. While - of course! - Franken is the extremely talented creator of Stuart Smalley and thus is able to come up with his own helpful sayings, sometimes these things are best provided by those with a more objective perspective.
So - just to help him out in his Senate bid - I offer the following helpful list of things he can say to himself each day:
I admire my daughter for having the guts to discuss her bathroom habits not just in public but at the Huffington Post. Would that every politician's daughter were so forthright!
My earlier work with Saturday Night Live was, objectively speaking, very funny. I'm very proud of it and I have nothing to be ashamed of!
Bernie Sanders is the very epitome of an independent politician.
I love the people of Minnesota!
Minnesota Nice is quite alright with me! I don't for a moment miss the hustle-and-bustle of the big city.
My new life in Minnesota is much more laid-back, and it lets me concentrate on the things that are really important, like all those bean feeds and pot luck suppers and such like that, dontcha know.
It's great to see Randi Rhodes hanging on at Air America Radio and leading the fight for true progressivism. I wish her the best!
I love bean feeds!
I'm proud of the work I did for Air America Radio, and I was worth every penny that they paid me.
If I had to spend the next twenty years attending bean feeds and meeting the people of Minnesota, I'd do it!
I'm not ashamed of having lied about knowing about the loan that Air America's former-former owners took from a Boys and Girls Club, because I didn't lie! I didn't know about that loan because even though I signed a legal agreement saying that I had read the entire agreement I obviously skipped over the part discussing the loan. I skipped over that part. I didn't read it. I didn't know about it. It's OK!
I need to win this one! George Soros, Barbra Streisand, Ed Asner, and Sting are counting on me! Let's win this for the team!
I've had to "get physical" in a few cases to defend liberalism, and I'd do it again. Our communal philosophy is worth defending, even if I need to throw a few chairs to do it!
Despite what the enemy says, I wrote all those books myself. Those Harvard students were just research assistants, I'm the one who did the actual writing. I'm a good writer.
People enjoy my comedy and my wit.
Posted in StuartSmalley at July 1, 2007 11:23 AM
Monitoring Air America Radio [TM] so you don't have to.