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November 05, 2008

Coleman - Franken race down to 600 votes; chair fight possible

At post time, Senator Norm Coleman leads former alleged funnyman Al Franken by just around 600 votes (link). Democratic Party representatives are frantically searching for more votes, which they assure us can be found through what they assure us are completely legitimate means.

However, if the election remains within 1000 votes by the end of the week, an ancient provision of Minnesota state law will be invoked where the two candidates will engage in a chair fight in order to settle who the winner is. While Al Franken has shown himself adept at throwing chairs around, he is also out of shape since he's generally avoided such activities recently in order to hide his true nature from Minnesota voters. Meanwhile, Coleman has been secretly training for such an event.


UPDATE: A chair fight might not be necessary at all, since "new" ballots have been discovered:

Some very basic questions need to be answered. What are the precincts that have allegedly "corrected" the vote totals they originally reported? On what basis were the alleged corrections made? Did both Republicans and Democrats participate in the alleged corrections? Have the original paper ballots been securely maintained since the polls closed? What assurances are in place to prevent Democrats from fraudulently adding new paper ballots? Do the precincts that have revised their vote totals use the optical scan system that is, as I understand it, nearly universal? If not, why not? If so, what do the ballot machines' tapes show? If the totals now being claimed are inconsistent with the tapes that were signed by the precinct's election judges, on what basis can they be accepted? Why is it that each "correction" seems to favor Franken?

Those are all very good questions, and I'm sure Senator Smalley will conduct a fair and thorough investigation.

Posted in StuartSmalley at November 5, 2008 10:17 AM

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