Janeane Garofalo gloms onto Randi Rhodes suspension
[VINDICATORY UPDATE BELOW]
Taking a break from getting tattoos and making cameo appearances in D movies, Janeane Garofalo called in to Air America yesterday to speak on the air with her former co-host Sam Seder, who was doing Randi Rhodes' show due to her suspension from the network. A partial transcript is here, and, for those who can stand it, an audio of the event is below.
And, what's even more interesting (not that Janeene isn't completely interesting as it is) is that Air America itself has its own audio of JFo calling in, entitled "Janeane Garofalo sticks up for Randi Rhodes" (link). Not only that, but they have another one: "Stephanie Miller sticks up for Randi Rhodes" (link). On the last link, a commenter says, "what's really pathetic is that the affiliate of air america that is involved, green 960 in SF, is milking this for ratings." While I initially thought the Clintons, or Blackwater thugs, or CACI (just kidding), or shadowy government forces might have been the ones involved in the suspension, perhaps the whole Randi Rhodes thing is just a publicity stunt.
Anywho, returning to the ever-alluring Jeaneane, she called from her alternate universe and stuck up for Rhodes ("Has she not built up enough good credit in the bank of supporting every good Liberal Democratic cause over the years? ...she has the right to do her stand up as she is apt to do") and also blasted AAR ("I was so disenchanted with the corporate ownership of this of this company Air America one after the other bonehead decision after bonehead decision"). In a way she's right: the problem with AAR all along has been that the hosts don't own the means of production.
Then, things take a turn for the even more odd:
Well, maybe they should dump some of those conservative voices that spew their garbage on this network. In the morning, or Cavuto, or the Stockholm Syndrome sufferer Alan Colmes.
Apparently Janine has a "special radio" that causes those non-AAR hosts to appear on the Air America Radio network. While Colmes does appear on New York City's WWRL, every show on that station is "progressive", Colmes is not part of AAR, Neil Cavuto is with Fox, and AAR doesn't have any conservative shows. Blame it on all that tattoo ink.
COMPLETELY VOLUNTARY CONFESSION UPDATE: As it turns out, Janine was not as incorrect as I previously thought. Neil Cavuto does in fact appear on WWRL (link). His minute-long "Money Report" appears every weekday at 5:47pm. I fully understand how JFo could react with rage to a full minute - practically an eternity - of ranting from one of Faux Noise's ReTHUGlican puppets, and I heartily and fully apologize to her for suggesting that she was picking up the station on a "special" antenna when in fact it appears that she was rightthinking about this issue all along.
Was Janeane Garofalo ever funny?
OK, we've already answered that Janeane Garofalo is as straight as many types of arrows. Now, let's move on to that other question that many people younger than 35 ask: "she's so vile, bitter, cynical, and just plain depressing nowadays, but was Janine Garroffalo ever funny?"
At that point, I rush to remind our younger visitors that JFo is a professional comedienne/stand up comic/D-movie actress who has been, at certain distinct moments in time, occasionally somewhat funny. As proof, I reviewed all of her past work in D- and E- movies, all of her past standup performances, all of her radio shows, and I came up with the following clip from 1992 as somewhat partial proof. I didn't watch the whole thing, so there's a great possibility that she says something stupid somewhere in there.
While many consider standup to be the lowest form of comedy, some might find it entertaining, but only as long as they understand her topical references. For instance, "Nirvana" was a band that was popular at the time, and "Amy Grant" is a singer of some kind. It's also interesting to note that she presents herself as a "Gen X" comic, when in fact she was born in 1964 and thus might be considered a Baby Boomer. Surprisingly, she also references the possibility of having children.
However, I'm having trouble understanding exactly what she's wearing. The jeans shorts aren't exactly such a good choice, in that they make her look a little dumpy. Frankly, short and a little wide isn't such a bad combination, but some might disagree. But, I don't seem to recall that as being a style, and I'm having trouble finding anyone who dresses like that now, except perhaps for certain people who walk along Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood at 3am.
Janeane Garofalo on "crackers", "redneck nation"
Like fine, aged battery acid, Air America Radio has released an "interview" (i.e., screed) with troubled ex-cutie Janeane Garofalo which was apparently conducted while she was still screeching on their network.
While it's difficult to put an exact date on it, in the clip she's got her blonde, slightly-attractive-lesbian look and it looks like she has less tattoos than she has now, so I assume it's at least a couple years old.
Her Gandhi-esque comments begin with complaints about "crackers" and how much of the U.S. is a "redneck nation" and then she discusses how some in the media are "geishas" who "service" the president.
I stopped watching after a bit when it got too depressing. She's just a sweet, wholesome, smart, lovable girl-next-door... gone horribly, pathetically wrong.
Flashback: when Janeane Garofalo was cute (last century)
There haven't been too many posts here about the lady at the grocery store, because she hasn't really been doing anything. And, likewise with Janeane Garofalo.
With all the free time on her (JFo's) hands because the 24 TV show is presumably not in production due to the writer's strike, one would think she'd at least try some way to get some sort of attention, perhaps by joining with Code Pink, Rosie O'Donnell, and Dennis Kucinich to push for impeachment, but even they probably realize appearing with her would be bad for their careers.
Anyway, so it's time for a flashback. Younger folks - those under 30 or so - may not realize this, but at one time during the last century Janine was really, really cute. And, I mean that in the "if I had poured honey all over her she wouldn't have been much sweeter but just as long as I could get her not to say anything" sense.
Nowadays, of course, she looks like she just got out from doing a month in Sybil Brand. So, most won't recognize that the person on the following video is indeed her, but I can verify that that is indeed her.
Of course, her personality was somewhat similar then as now, so it helps to mute the sound. And, try to ignore the smoking. But, other than that, she was really, really cute:
Should Janeane Garofalo consider a lobotomy?
Then, oddly enough, she goes into an incoherent rant on conservatives and religious folks. It includes shots from inside her room, featuring collages she's put together with sayings written on art paper and pictures of the Bush administration with incoherent captions. Living with her would surely be heaven on Earth.
In the past, I've suggested that her enablers back off, that we send her a rescue kit, that she say daily affirmations, that she undergo "Catholic School" therapy, and I'll also add that perhaps she needs a mentor. However, if none of those work, perhaps more extreme options should be considered.
11/06/07 UPDATE: After 18 votes, fully two-thirds say that she should consider it. I urge her to listen to her fans.
Boycott "Southland Tales": unfair to Janeane Garofalo!
I am hereby urging everyone to boycott the movie "Southland Tales", to be released in November. Since I've been boycotting movies since I saw "A Stranger Among Us" around 1992 or so, this will be easy for me. However, if you're one of those people who inexplicably watches movies, I urge you not to attend.
The film is from writer-director Richard Kelly, and it's the sequel to something called "Donnie Darko", which appeared in 2001. It features a cast of D- and E-movie actors like "The Rock", Justin Timberlake and Sarah Michelle Gellar.
The reason for my boycott is that one E-movie actress it won't feature is this one:
The major casualty [of a re-editing to make it less worse], lopped off at the studio's urging, was a subplot with Janeane Garofalo as a general.
Anyone who'd cast JFo as a general (except perhaps in the Iraqi Army) belongs in a mental institution.
Stop Enabling Janeane Garofalo!
It's time to start calling out the enablers:
Freaky Janeane Garofalo screeches: Petraeus "dishonest", Bush "war criminal", etc.
Ex-cutie and current tattoo'ed something-or-other Janeane Garofalo screeched her way through an episode of Real Time with Bill Maher yesterday. She calls General Petraeus "dishonest" and said that was part of his job description here. She speaks up for the Palestinians, warns of pro-Israel bias, and says she thinks of herself as a "global citizen" here [see UPDATE]. On this [see UPDATE} clip she says that Bill O'Reilly can "kiss [her] fat ass", adding in others who can do that (but never will): Sean Hannity and Joe Scarborough. Then, on the next tape (there's more!) she pronounces Bush a war criminal ("just like Saddam Hussein").
After the show, she was spotted pushing a shopping cart down Central and looking for cans to buy her "medicine".
But, seriously folks, she really, really, really, really, really needs help. TMZ gives her the only treatment she deserves here; they spotted her walking down Robertson towards the Beverly Center and, rather than subject us to her prattle, sped up the tape and played music over it. In the clip above she burps; in the second clip she talks about sweating.
It's really not funny anymore, it's just very, very sad.
UPDATE: The videos previously linked above (IDs Zkbve0a8qlk and vefioLFxnic) have been removed. However, these videos still remain:
youtube.com/watch?v=Zkbve0a8qlk
youtube.com/watch?v=eqvoPiQnv9g
youtube.com/watch?v=l0gnferFINQ
Ted Bell to Janeane Garofalo: eat in the kitchen!
Speaking on tonight's Phil Hendrie Show, Ted Bell of Ted's of Beverly Hills Steakhouse revealed that former Air America hostess Janeane Garofalo dropped by his establishment to view tonight's Iraq speech from president Bush. And, Ted told her she had to eat in the kitchen instead of being able to eat in the main dining room with Danny Glover, Glenn Close, Susan Sarandon, and other celebrities!
He diplomatically explained to JFo that it wasn't because she was a B-list celeb, but because he was concerned that she wouldn't be as much of an attention getter as Glover and the other stars. She then either left or was asked to leave. Bell somewhat undiplomatically stated that she could walk into the restaurant, walk outside, come back in and vomit on the bar and only until the last happened would anyone notice.
JFo could not be reached for comment.
UPDATE: It's pretty sad the depths JFo's enablers are willing to go to, but it's funny as well. Trying to claim that Ted Bell isn't a real person takes the cake; I've been hearing his commercials on the radio for years, and I'm pretty sure I've seen his restaurant on La Cienega during one of my rare visits to the "Westside".
The Janeane Garofalo Rescue Kit
Just a reminder: I'm taking suggestions on what should go in the Janeane Garofalo Rescue Kit. Please leave your best ideas in comments. Here's what I've got so far:
* A Burberry catalog and a $10 gift certificate from Nordstrom's
* An REI catalog (not just for the outdoors-y fashions but also to suggest that JFo goes outside for once)
* A subscription to Jen Magazine
* A 100-count box of 4mg Nicorette (or generic equivalent)
* Brochures from top tattoo removal specialists
* A subscription to the Self Help Book of the Month Club
* An "I'm a nice person!" reminder flashcard
* A list of daily affirmations
* A list of local nunneries
Remember: once all the items for the Rescue Kit have been assembled, I'll be sending it off to Henry Rollin's management in the hope that he can get it to her and she can be rescued from herself.
UPDATE: Thinking about what Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller have to say about Britney Spears, maybe I'm going about this the wrong way. They suggest ignoring her until she gets her act back together. When she straightens things out, then they'll start paying attention to her again. Maybe that's what JFo needs in order to force her to straighten herself out. Perhaps it would be best if we simply ignored her until that happened.
UPDATE 2: On second thought, I guess that isn't going to work since no one besides me is paying any attention to her at all.
Scary-looking ex-cutie greeted at airport by photographer
Scary-looking painted lady, ex-cutie, troubled "liberal", and alleged comedienne Janeane Garofalo was surprised to be met at a Los Angeles airport by paparazzi* when flying in to flick Fox's 24. So surprised that she says to them*:
"I'm not a celebrity. I'm a moderately successful person... I was more famous in 1998."
The person carrying her bags? None other than aged punk rocker Henry Rollins. (If, for instance, Perez Hilton stooped to discussing either of them he would probably make a joke about beards or something. I consider this site to be of a higher calibre so I won't do that.)
* Some might quibble over the use of plurals, since there's only evidence that there was one photographer there, and he was probably just an intern or something. For all we know, he might even be JFo's publicist.
24, Jack Bauer: send Janis Gold to Gitmo!
This entry is an open plea to Special Agent Jack Bauer: please send Janis Gold to Guantanamo Bay ("Gitmo"). You already know that FBI Agent Gold (aka Janeane Garofalo) is a member of the ACLU - remember when she dropped her hemp purse and her membership card came flying out? What you probably don't know is that due to her liberalism she's a sympathizer with the terrorists, the ones who are planning the strike even as the clock ticks down.
Agent Bauer: I urge you to send Gold to Gitmo, or put her on a special rendition flight to Egypt or Turkmenistan so that all she knows can be revealed.
Janeane Garofalo barefoot pictures?
The failed Air America Radio hostess is experiencing a minor blip due to Janeane Garofalo recently joining the cast of Fox's TV show 24. So, I think this is as good a time as any to issue a bit of a "bleg": does anyone have any pictures of "JFo" bare of foot? (It's for a school project, so it's OK). In an interview with Amy Sedaris she admitted that she "enjoyed" being in that state (link).
But, so far, the only one I've been able to find is this, but it's not a high-quality image and the left edge is missing! I do note however that at the time that was shot she was pleasantly "healthy" looking, quite unlike her recent gaunt phase. But, as you might suspect, there was trouble lurking below the surface: her smile looks a bit forced, although one can never tell.
If anyone has any pictures or videos with scenes along these lines, please leave them in comments.
9/10/07 UPDATE: I just got a search result hit from someone looking for the exact same thing. It's good to know I'm not the only one with this extremely rare affliction. And, I mean extremely rare. Welcome, friend, you are not alone.
Janeane Garofalo joins 24 cast (Jack Bauer, Gitmo)
Troubled ex-cutie Janeane Garofalo will be joining the cast of Fox's TV show 24, sources say. Apparently, Jack Bauer (played by Kiefer Sutherland) is in some sort of crisis, and Garrofalo will be playing a government agent who joins the team to sort out the crisis he's in (sorry, I don't watch the show).
The "outspoken liberal" will eventually be revealed as an al Qaeda plant and be sent to Gitmo. Once there, Janine will be forced to undergo Catholic School Therapy and will be eventually released, after which I'll give her a shot. Or, at least that's what would happen if I wrote it. In actual fact, like everything else she touches, the show will probably go down in flames shortly after she joins the cast.
Alternatively, she could play a mousy-but-cute librarian who only looks like she could be a lesbian and who leads a cell of CryptoNazis who are planning a government takeover in an attempt to convert the nation to socialism through finally establishing HillaryCare. Martin Sheen will also join the cast as the real president of the U.S. that "Team Garofalo" wants to install to lead the new country.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: I have been informed that waterboarding someone and giving someone a swirly are not the same thing, and I have accordingly removed that section of this post. I apologize both to Janeane and to my readers for the error.
(SOMETHING OR OTHER) UPDATE: Caught on the set of Binky - the Canadian-filmed TV movie about a dog - Jeanine said the following:
That the show is right-leaning, and Garofalo is an outspoken Bush and Iraq War critic is, she says, half-joking, "much to my chagrin. That's why I feel like I'm being punked. I feel like the creators are going to make me say things that cause my sphincter to tighten."
She is truly a classy lady. Maybe Sister Natalie would be willing to take her under her wing or something.
REALLY EMBARRASSED UPDATE: In the title to the previous update, this site had responded to JFo's comments by referencing something or other. At the time I thought it was cute; now I realize it was in extremely poor taste. I apologize to everyone.
Binky: Janeane Garofalo in Lifetime movie of week
There is indeed life beyond made-for-DVD movies and web-download-only movies, and it's called "appearing in a movie of the week on the Lifetime Channel".
And, that's the life that ex-cutie Janeane Garofalo will be enjoying in Ottawa (Canada) for the next few weeks as she's filming/videoing what is tentatively titled "Binky". The titular star of the movie is a dog who's given to the direly-in-need-of-help actress (playing a rock critic who's fed up with her boyfriend):
"And I don't initially love the dog... but I go through my mid-life crisis while driving cross-country with (him), and it's one of those movies -- journey taken and then I love the dog."
At this point in time I could totally go for a cheap laugh, but I won't. Because I want to be positive and offer help, and then maybe I might give her a shot.
L'UPDATE: Beaucoup de gens - specificament trois ou quatre - a visite cette fueille de toile, y inclus quelqun de l'officiel gouvernment de Canada! Bienvenu a toutes! Les gens de Canada doisent d'etre especialement fier de Binky, parce que Janine est la plus grande "etoile" qui a jamais apparu en leur pais! Mes felicitations a toutes!
Janeane Garofalo nude (back)!
All five people who are searching for pictures of Janeane Garofalo nude are in luck... in two ways! First, the following clip from 2005's "Nadine in Dateland" shows a little skin: some back, some legback, some shoulder, and... even a tiny little flash of what actually might be some sideboob. She even gets a little wet. However, the other way you're lucky is that it doesn't show that much:
Aside from being horribly directed and edited and, aside from (surprise) Janine herself horribly acted, it's actually pretty cute.
Janeane Garofalo: 9/11 was an inside job!
Garofalogists are currently trying to analyze exactly what formerly cute, now scary Janeane Garofalo is trying to say on this clip from the Conan O'Brien show:
Is she joking? Does she seriously think that 911 was an inside job? Is she now a believer in LIHOP ("let it happen on purpose") or MIHOP ("made it happen on purpose")? Did she just use that as an example of an extreme statement? Doesn't she realize how bad those tattoos make her look? What happened to her voice? Does she look like an incipient bag lady to you too?
Please, please, please Janeane: seek help. In fact, I'll make a deal with her: I'll protect her against the Majestik M13 Lizard People who will no doubt be coming after her due to her revelation, if she'll run away with me to a small town in an undisclosed location. Arcata is nice this time of year, and there's always Vermont. Sedona is good too. Of course, she'll have to have her tattoos removed to help avoid detection from their secret Sputnik mind ray reading machine.
TRUTHER ALERT! UPDATE: Consider the following:
1. Nancy Luft's last known address was in Minnesota; Al Franken - former Jeanine Garoffalo ("JFo") co-host on Air America Radio - is also from Minnesota, and could have easily arranged a mailing address there for his co-host...
2. JFo claims to not have a computer; Nancy Luft hasn't posted to the Internet for a while...
3. Both JFo and Luft are being tracked by the Sputnik Mind Control Lasers operated by the Rockefellers' Rich Man's Mafia with the assistance of the Bilderberger Group and the Trilateral Commission.
The truth is out there. Some just refuse to see it.
THEY'VE GOTTEN TO DIGG UPDATE: There are currently two stories about this on Digg with 163 and 99 diggs respectively. However, BOTH STORIES ARE BURIED. Totally check it out: if you do a search for her last name, you have to check the "Include Buried Stories" box in order to find them. Clearly MK Ultra has been hard at work dealing with the fallout from her shocking revelation.
THEY'VE GOTTEN TO EVERYBODY UPDATE: Despite being #4 in Google for the titular phrase (only behind prisonplanet.com, jonesreport.com, and 911blogger.com) and despite being linked from the Drudge.com backpage, this post has only gotten about 20 or so visits. This is clearly not because no one is interested. No, they are interested, and they do care about what the formerly-cute comedienne has to say. Something else is afoot, and truthseekers are encouraged to find out exactly what it is... and who's behind it.
Janeane Garofalo: "I bead"
I knew that "liberal" and ex-cutie Janeane Garofalo would turn out to be a beader! Well, actually, I didn't know that:
She also brands herself "a neo-Luddite" who doesn't own a computer or an iPod. "I have CDs. And I make my own jewelry. Well, I bead. I go to bead stores and string beads."
Awww. I actually consider that kind of charming. She beads. But, how is she going to read this site without a computer? Perhaps she could go to the library or something.
FLASHES OF CUTENESS UPDATE: Here she is at the Ratatouille premiere, looking a bit cutely flustered at all the apparently unexpected attention she's receiving:
How to survive a Janeane Garofalo attack
Every year, thousands of people are attacked and injured by wild animals like bears, mountain lions, raccoons, possums, snakes, bees, and so forth. The common advice with the first two is to remain calm and back away slowly.
Similar advice applies when attacked by other feral beasts such as a Janeane Garofalo, as the accompanying Ad Council graphic illustrates (via this; click for the larger version).
In related news, the know-nothings at AskMen say:
Sure, she's atypical of the standard "sexy" woman in that she doesn't have the classic good looks and body to warrant being labeled a bombshell, but what she lacks in those departments, she more than makes up for with her intellect. And that gusto is the heart of her attractiveness... it would be difficult to call Janeane an "accomplished" actress... At a petite 5'1", it would be tough to qualify Janeane Garofalo as a sex goddess... One negative feature about Janeane that we'd like to point out is her large forehead...
I've probably spent 15 or 16 minutes total seeing JFo, and I never once noticed her forehead. Frankly, I was looking at her chest. And, of course, I'm pretty sure she's shorter than that, and some guys actually prefer shorter brunettes. And, furthermore: she does have a classically pretty face, and her raw intellect isn't a problem. Even her feminism - as she defines it at the Satya link below rather than the Gramscian version that it is in actual practice - isn't a problem. What is a problem is her "personality". And, the tattoos. Check this out. There is precisely one photo there where she looks attractive rather than repellent. It doesn't have to be that way.
To underline that point, from four years ago (at Satya, a site that covers "vegetarianism * environmentalism * animal advocacy * social justice") we read:
Looking through the cafe, I didn't recognize her at first. I didn't expect the tattoos on her forearms and Joan Jett haircut, or the well-worn T-shirt and jeans, and ankles crossed beneath her chair. She looked like a student—nose in a book, wielding a highlighter to mark important passages.
Look, I like Joan Jett, just not in that way and I'm sure the lack of feelings would be mutual.
Someone, please call a shrink.
Pure class: Jeanine Garofalo treats rash during interview
[UPDATE 2: Janeane Garofalo says 9/11 was an inside job!]
The interview here - conducted by "Hooman" from Bay Area radio station Alice 97.3 - features Janeane Garofalo revealing that she occasionally gets a rash that extends from her hand up her arm, and she claims to not know the reason why she's so afflicted.
Not only do we get that wonderful news, but during the interview she reaches into her purse and rummages around for band-aids and starts putting them on.
To a certain very small extent this is cute 'n' quirky. However, to a far, far greater extent it's disturbing. Please, Jeanene, seek help or at least start saying those daily affirmations.
UPDATE: In response to the first (and what will probably be the only comment), I don't know whether it could be Lyme Disease or not. If it was, where would she have gotten it from? I'm sure all the ticks in NYC have been eaten by the giant rats, and she isn't exactly the outdoors type as much as we here wish she were.
Janeane Garofalo: daily affirmations
First of all, I want to stress that none of the recent posts about Janeane Garofalo have been made in a mean-spirited way, but rather in an attempt to help. She still has potential, which I - with all due respect - feel that she's been squandering. So, rather than curse the darkness, I want to light a shining candle which she can head for in her time of need. In addition, Air America hasn't been doing anything and might be off the air for all I know. As a result, I've watched my daily traffic plummet from the astounding high of a few hundred or so visits per day to under 100. Picking up the pace of posts about Janine Garoffallo has increased the traffic a full 50%, and I'm well on my way to meeting the five year plan for this site.
So, in the spirit of giving and attempting to help - and inspired by fellow former Air America Radio host Al Franken/Stuart Smalley, I offer the following list of daily affirmations that I encourage Janeane to start saying to herself as she tours to promote the Pixar flop Ratatouille ("rattatooey"). This might be her last chance in the spotlight, as small and tightly focused as that is, but she can turn it around with the following:
---------------
I like to hike in the outdoors. It keeps me healthy!
I don't have to be a tall blonde to be pretty. Plenty of guys like shorter brunettes. Plenty of guys like women with a little baby fat. And, I like me too!
I have a pretty face.
Drugs are bad, and I won't take them except when prescribed by a real doctor.
Drinking to excess is so not cool.
I like my body!
I am a worthy person, and I have many talents.
Smoking is terrible for me. Smoke makes me sick. My nicotine gum is much healthier and doesn't make me cough!
When I shower or bathe, the water on my body feels very good. I enjoy the feeling of water on my skin.
I can both rebel and live a healthy life. I'm rebelling against decadence!
Caffeine makes me jumpy. Just one cup of coffee is fine, thanks!
Just because someone disagrees with me doesn't mean they're evil.
I'm not a piece of meat, and I don't want piercings. My body is a temple!
I've done movies, television, stand-up comedy, books on tape, appearances, and voice-overs. I'm multi-talented and I have a lot of work to be proud of!
Tattoos are for sailors and strippers. I'll look much better when mine are removed. And, I'll feel better too!
I'm proud of my natural body!
I can be concerned about the future of the world, without being glum. I'll try to cheer the world up!
I disagree with conservatives, but that doesn't mean they're bad people.
My sexuality is in full bloom!
Regular yoga keeps me limber and makes me feel great!
I'd like someone to teach me how to rock climb in the 'Gunks. That would be fun, healthy outdoor exercise!
I radiate a healthy glow and vitality that makes others happy to be around me!
----------------
If she says these each day, I have no doubt she can turn things around.
Q: Is Janeane Garofalo gay?
A: No*.
* Lesbians (and bi-sexual women) just tend to swoon all over her, at "After Ellen".
Note also the URL in "Exhibit Two" here:
windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php?AID=15170
Not that there's anything wrong with that or anything.
Bonus! Disturbing picture of her tattoos provided at the first link:
UPDATE: Janine Garofallo's tour to promote Ratatouille continues as she visits - and praises - Austin, the most odious city in Texas (but, then again I've never been to Houston). We also learn that her hair is dyed black - its natural color is apparently a very, very dark shade of brown - and she doesn't like having her picture taken. And:
Garofalo's hands and arms are in full, florid tremble during our conversation, visibly and worrisomely. Is she this nervous?
Yes, I'm sure that was just nervousness. And, of course, she shows her hateful side:
A sacred heart emblazoned with "Liberal" on her shoulder stands out like a shout, like she's literally wearing her heart on her sleeve... "I put 'liberal' on there because I'm tired of it being used as a dirty word," Garofalo says. "It's something to be very proud of." ...On the flip side, she says, " 'Conservative' is just another way of saying 'racist' or 'misogynist' or 'fearful' or 'arrogant.'"
SPECIAL STILL NOT GAY UPDATE: Here's a 1999 Conan O'Brien clip. As long as you just look at her face and mute the sound and ignore everything else, from certain angles she actually looks very pretty:
BONUS CALL A SHRINK UPDATE: Via this we find this interview where she's asked whether she has an "authority problem":
"Yes. I think because my dad, maybe growing up was a very authoritarian type of conservative religious guy. And there was a lot of 'Why'? 'Because I said so.' That's very common in parents but especially if they're conservative religious types. I don't like that. I don't like the 'Because I said so' and I don't like the 'Why ask why?'"
Pochemuchoshka, zvoni psycholog, pozhaluysta! She has even more issues:
I like to show up at the studio and you can wear your pyjamas if you want to. You don't have to wash your hair, you know, you don't even have to take a shower.
A pretty face will only get you so far.
SEE I TOLD YOU SO UPDATE: This July 1 interview - most likely scrubbed of her usual vitriol - contains the following quote:
"I tried the accent on my then-boyfriend, and he said, 'Is this really how you're going to do it?' It really put the kibosh on doing it for friends."
Janeane Garofalo to undergo "Catholic School" therapy
In a shocking - but very welcome to this site - announcement, ex-cutie Janeane Garofalo has announced that she will be undergoing a controversial treatment for her various issues: Catholic reeducation. She decided to undergo this life-changing event after friends and fans reacted with horror to this recent video where she promotes her new flop film 'Ratatouille'. Some fans compared her to "someone you'd see outside a Hollywood 7-11 at 3am on a Tuesday begging for 'gas money'". Others were even less kind with those same people making disturbing charges.
As part of the treatment, the plucky actress will be issued a genuine Catholic schoolgirl outfit. The treatment consists of a squad of nuns from Opus Dei who will cloister the former Air America Radio star at a cloister somewhere in Upstate New York. No blonde wigs there! No cigs either, as any attempt to smoke will be met with a sharp rebuke... with a ruler! After a time, treatment experts expect her to lose her now-husky voice as well as her worrisome hacking cough. Regular exercise combined with healthy meals will help her lose her gaunt look. Dermabrasion specialists from SUNY-Jamestown will remove the series of extremely unsightly tattoos from her arms, including one that looks like a flexed arm muscle and others. "Tattoos are for sailors and strippers, young lady!" as Sister Natalie is fond of saying. A team of helpful recovering liberals will help her understand that she can disagree with someone's political point of view without hating them.
And, this site will be there to welcome her back.
Janeane Garofalo really, really, really needs help
Exhibit One:Most of [Janeane Garofalo]'s act revolved around kicking a drinking habit in favor of painkillers, her scatter-mindedness and, of course, politics. To wit: "I take Vicodin now instead of drinking, but I call them 'Vicadoodles.' Who could get addicted to Vicadoodles? It just sounds better. Like 'hobo' sounds better than 'homeless drug addict.'"Exhibit Two:
...The only way to understand these people, and their fakers, posers and Republican Party, and in the Christian and fundamentalist evangelical world, is half of them don't even believe the shit they say. They just pander. To understand what makes them tick, you would really need to go to neuroscience and behavioral psychology.And, those are just the parts dealing with her hatred for those who don't think like her.
...There's plenty of dickheads in this world. It's just the white, conservative religious element that brags the loudest. There're huge assholes everywhere, but they don't tend to get the mic as often. They don't have conventions at Madison Square Garden.
...The rise of right wing radio has been such a machine of disinformation that speaks to the worst in us and of us. That has had a very detrimental effect on society... The only way conservative Republicans can win is through fraud.
...These right-wingers never win. That's why they are so mad and they scream so loud. They never ultimately get their way. If they did, we'd still own slaves and you and I couldn't vote.
...That [Elizabeth] Hasselback needs to go [from The View]. Hopefully she will be pre-registering that child of hers in the armed services, since she's so fucking gung-ho.
[What's her pet peeve?] That! That! [ Laughs ] . Exactly that. Not her, per say, because I don't know her. That, and the nonsense that comes pouring out of right wing radio and Fox. Get your fucking ass over there [ to Iraq ] , dude. If you are so concerned and dedicated, go. Go do your show from there. Volunteer. Carry water out on the field. Bring bandages. Do something. You liars. Pay double taxes, pay your Patriot tax, Mr. I love war. There's nothing more disgusting than a right-winger.
Exhibit Three just sputtered its way through the door:
The one thing you've gotta learn about Republicans and right-wingers in general: they're hypocrites. They believe in nothing... except dominating. So they always pretend to be outraged about something. But really, it's them grappling with other personality problems they have. You know what I mean by that? (laughs) The right-wing movement, quote unquote. In this country, like any country. It doesn't matter what nation you live in or what era you live in. A right-winger, a quote unquote conservative is a person who's struggling with a million other demons. That's why they are the way they are. So they always pretend to be miffed about a lot of things, but it's really, it has much more to do with whats wrong inside of them... ...like I said, it's not political. In their case it is personal. It's their personal problems, that's why they're on the right side of things. Whether it's racism, misogyny, homophobia, or being a closet gay, or being a person who is anxiety-ridden or fearful... all of these things lead them to pretend they are Republicans...Someone needs a visit from Mr. Doctor.
Janeane Garofalo used to torture Iraqis
Janeane Garofalo's voice was used to torture Iraqis, and they "hated" it.
Tony Lagouranis is a former military interrogator, who's now telling his story. And, believe it or not, the formerly cute comedienne and former Air America hostess played a role:
Not long ago in Iraq, [Lagouranis] felt "absolute power," he said, over men kept in cages. Lagouranis had forced a grandfather to kneel all night in the cold and bombarded others in metal shipping containers with the tape of the self-help parody "Feel This Book: An Essential Guide to Self-Empowerment, Spiritual Supremacy, and Sexual Satisfaction," by comedians Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo. ("They hated it," Lagouranis recalled. "Like, 'Please! Just stop that voice!' ")
In lighter news, Garoffalo appears with Payton Oswald at the Somerville Theatre on June 23. Tickets are $35.
UPDATE: I wonder whether their choice of torture implements was motivated by this?
URGENT: Help Janeane Garofalo revive her career!
Thinking about what I wrote earlier today, I realized that it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Sure, Janeane Garofalo was one of the voices for the latest Pixar animation disaster Ratatouille (whether she played a 'Rat isn't known), but other than that after leaving Air America she's pretty much disappeared from public consciousness.
My solution to her career woes: buy the following, and wear it. Trust me on this: I am not the only person with the desire to see her wear something like this. The fact that things like this are for sale indicate the depth of the thinking on this issue.
Janeane Garofalo in Ratatouille, Law Dogs!
There is life after Air America, although it's of a limited, small-time sort for Janeane Garofalo.
In 2006 she had a bit part in "Southland Tales", a foreign-film-made-by-Americans which was supposed to be some sort of wacky farce but appears to have been a massive flop. It "starred" The Rock.
But, things are looking slightly up, as June 2007 will see the airing of a pilot for the TV show "Law Dogs", aka "Untitled Barry Schindel Project" (link). This is slightly better since Ridley Scott is involved, and I like Alien. Livia Trevino co-stars as "Pointing Woman", with Marcuis Harris as Lester. Believe me: once you actually see it and get enmeshed in the drama - or at least be thankful that Janeane isn't wearing a bag - you won't be laughing at how stupid those character names are.
Garoffalo's best project yet might be "Ratatouille" (link), an animated film about a talking rat. Now, most people might think, "vermin?" or think back to the Middle Ages or today's South Bronx, but don't worry: this is a cute animated rat. The animation will make you forget all about food contamination, the black plague, rats biting ghetto children, and all the rest. Plus, it has a "liberal" message: the young rodent deals with anti-rat prejudice. Bottom line: only a speciest would refuse to see this movie.
Janeane Garofalo narrates "Useful Idiots on Parade"
OK, it's not really called "Useful Idiots on Parade", but Janeane Garofalo is the narrator of a 2005 documentary called "The Peace Patriots". It's about all the useful idiots who participated in the "peace" movement, much of which was in fact orchestrated by Communist-linked groups. Keeping with that theme, the doc features the music of Pete Seeger and Billy Bragg among others. And, it's received rave reviews from, among other even lesser-known figures, Howard Zinn.
For those of you who even know where Fond du Lac, Wisconsin is and who've ever heard of Marian College, it will be playing there on November 20. A warning though: some of those in the audience might in fact be infiltrators. If you go, make sure that your neighbor is part of the movement and not a plant.
Posted at 01:18 PM | Comments (0)
Swiffering Janeane Garofalo spins; liberal radio can work!
Any article from an NYC-based site that starts out "While Swiffering her city apartment, Janeane Garofalo takes a moment to chat with Metro..." immediately grabs my attention and holds it long enough to read Janine offering a pro-Air America talking point more often associated with Al Franken:
"...Air America was the fastest growing talk radio station in history, 18-35 demo. Sam [Seder] and my show consistently beat out long-standing, right-wing, regressive radio. The problem was we got conned in the beginning by some shysters. It was difficult to recover from that. Then we were plagued by "who's going to run this thing and do it for no pay?" We've never gotten back on our feet from those financial debacles. The myth is that liberal talk radio doesn't work or can't work. That's crap."
Posted at 11:39 AM | Comments (3)
Janeane Garofalo: Bill O'Reilly put me in estrus
In the latest issue of GQ, former Air America hostess and something or other Janeane Garofalo admits that when she first met Bill O'Reilly she was enraptured with sexual feelings and plunged into a deep state of extreme sexual excitement:Janeane Garofalo shares this recollection: "Literally one moment before you go on, he comes and says hello, and it's like 'Oh, my God,' because he's six feet five, and I find that to be a turn-on -- my boyfriend at the time was six four.It is not known to this blogger whether she was subsequently loofah'ed or falafel'ed by the television host.
So unfortunately, the first time I met Bill O'Reilly, it was an attractive thing. I guess I assumed he was a short guy, because he's so pugnacious. He still has the Napoleon complex while being six five -- that's what kind of an a--hole he is."
UPDATE: Via email, Judd Legum of Think Progress informs me that the J-Go interview appears in GQ (Gentleman's Quarterly), not "CQ [Congressional Quarterly]'s Teenie18 Special Section" as I originally stated. I apologize for the error.
Posted at 09:02 PM | Comments (1)
Janeane Garofalo quits Air America Radio
It's official: Janeane Garofalo is no longer on Air America Radio. The formerly-cute actress will now be pursuing "other projects".
While some might want to make a big deal about this, there's really nothing there. She herself had hinted about her departure since May, and she hasn't really been a big part of the show for the past year.
There's really nothing here. Nothing at all.
This will not spell the eminent demise of the AAR network, which is jumping from success to success, with surging ratings from Portland to Portland.
Meanwhile, for fun, let's vote on which AAR celeb will be the next to create a non-stir by "pursuing other projects." Leave a comment with your choice:
A) Al Franken
B) Randi Rhodes
C) Jerry Springer
D) Mike Malloy
E) Walter Duranty
F) Hugo Chavez/Cindy Sheehan
Posted at 10:47 AM | Comments (5)
Janeane Garofalo is on "jury duty"
The Majority Report might have been canceled and Janeane Garofalo might be out of a job that she wasn't drawing a salary for, according to the Radio Equalizer. Since very few people at the MR blog or anywhere else seem to have noticed, let's speculate among ourselves:
Posted at 05:30 AM | Comments (1)
Janeane Garofalo: clear and purified!
[In order to avoid getting a snake or a letter from a snake in my mailbox, I'm going to change some letters in the following.]From "Radio host Janeanne Garofalo played by Sc|entol0gy?"
Air America Radio talk show host Janeanne Garofalo of "Majority Report" was seemingly taken in by a Sc|entol0gy-linked project selling a "detoxification" cure invented by the church's founder L. Ron Hiibbard...
Apparently, Garofalo either didn't understand or didn't care about the often-reported links between the privately-funded "New York Rescue W0rkers Det0xification Project" touted on her Friday night show and Sc|ent0logy.
The so-called "Purif|cation Rundown," which is a Sc|ent0logy religious ritual, is at the heart of the program. Hiibbard invented the process, which includes large dosing of niacin, sweating in a sauna and ingesting cooking oil...
...The usually sharp, well informed and at times cynical Garofalo is typically more skeptical. But she did the Friday night show without her Internet savvy researcher/wingman Sam Seder.
CultNews has witnessed firsthand as a guest on "Majority Report" how this team works with Seder hovering over his laptop grabbing information through the Internet while Garofalo gets in the zingers.
...Janeanne Garofalo's guest was Sc|entol0gist Leah Remini, star of "King of Queens," a supporter of the New York detox project...
Posted at 11:41 PM | Comments (1)
Cindy Sheehan, Janeane Garofalo at far-left concert
It's been quite a while since we featured formerly-cute formerly-slightly-funny comic Janeane Garofalo here, and we're reaching a bit low in the barrel to announce that she'll be broadcasting her show (she still has a show?) live from a "peace" concert which will also feature Cindy Sheehan. The concert will coincide with the three-year anniversary of the Iraq war.
Those providing the music include Michael Stipe out of REM, Bright Eyes, Rufus Wainwright, Fischerspooner, Public Enemy's Chuck D, Devendra Banhart and Peaches.
The "Bring 'Em Home" concert may also feature a special-guest appearance by Hugo Chavez, although my sources were a bit sketchy on that.
Posted at 12:21 AM | Comments (2)
Lifestyles of the rich and slightly famous "liberals"
Peak behind the velvet rope in this 'difficult to understand since you've never heard of anyone involved' story.Flavia Colgan is apparently an MSNBC commentator who also posts at - where else - the HuffPost. She auctioned herself off on eBay - clean requests only please! - and a real estate developer won. However, he decided to give the winnings to two Iraq War vets. And, in an ironic twist as you'll see, the money raised goes to a... Boys & Girls club, although not Gloria Wise.
Now, for the promised irony:
Soltz and Zacchea [the vets] were to be limoed to the MSNBC TV studio in Secaucus, N.J., to meet program hosts Tucker Carlson, Joe Scarborough and Keith Olbermann. They'll watch Colgan tape a show with Carlson.Let's see: rich "liberals" limoing around and hobnobbing with lobbyists and special interest groups at a Hilton-owned ritzy hotel eating steak and drinking champagne. Money to be used to build character. Arianna connection. Garofalo connection. True liberals wouldn't rest until everyone in the world got their own steak and champagne.
Then it's back to Manhattan tonight for a steak dinner and a bottle of Dom Perignon, a taping of Janeane Garofalo's "Air America" radio show and a round of parties at the Waldorf-Astoria.
Pennsylvania Society attracts most of the state's top politicians and the lobbyists, law firms and special interest groups that adore them. Soltz, who also served in Kosovo as a tank platoon leader, says he loves the Army and MSNBC. His favorite commentator is Scarborough, he said, "but a lot of 28-year-old guys in Iraq wouldn't mind being chauffered around New York City by Flavia Colgan."
Colgan, meanwhile, was sounding a bit like one of the blonde conservatives she often debates.
"Liberals often try to portray our soliders in Iraq as from poor backgrounds," she said. "I think it's condescending to say they had no option but to join the military. Both of these guys had tons of options, but chose to serve their country. "
Colgan's outfits for the evening were selected by Charlie Lapson, stylist for the hit TV show "Desperate Housewives," so watch out, guys.
The money raised by the auction will go toward the Smart Moves program, said Thierry Malley, state director of Pennsylvania Area Council of Boys and Girls Clubs.
"It's a character-building program for kids 6 to 18," Malley said. "We counsel them on making the right decisions, to stay away from drugs, alcohol and smoking."
Posted at 10:30 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Does Janeane Garofalo need a booster seat?
The bus stop at Sunset and Fountain on the far eastern edge of Hollywood features the ad you see above. As I drove by it all I could think of is "Janeane Garofalo is almost that short. I wonder if she'd be a borderline case for having to drive with a booster seat?"
I really don't know why I thought that.
Of course, I also wondered exactly why the fuck the U.S. government has so much free time on its hands that it can create a whole site dedicated just to promulgating the news that anyone below 4'9" needs a booster seat. Will government inspectors begin flagging down motorists to check? Don't they have better things to do?
UPDATE: I try to answer the eternal question: Is Janeane Garofalo a lesbian? I also offer ways that Janine Garrofalo can get the help she needs.
Posted at 05:17 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
Inside Bunker Garofalo
University of South Carolina student Maggie Brock contacted Janeane Garofalo from inside her very special bunker and got answers to a few questions:
...The right wing machine, for the last 40 years, has successfully cowed the media into thinking there's a liberal bias, which there isn't, and then WAY overcompensating the other way. There's a reason they have to spend so much money and time pushing these narratives into the marketplace and manipulating the masses. It's because right-wing ideas and right-wing cruelty is not the norm -- it isn't. That's why they have to steal elections, that's why they have to use the threat of terror, that's why they have to gay bash, and manipulate your emotions. And what right wing radio hosts do -- they capture the people's lesser nature. It's very easy. The Bush campaign also brought out the worst in people. People's lesser nature is easily tapped into. You make people loyal when they're sitting in fear, in a heightened state of anxiety or anger. That's what the right does because it's easy.
Asked about the Washington DC ratings, she replies:
Well, I actually don't care at all about that. In the summer, typically, talk radio ratings go down for everybody across the board. Ratings for Air America are quite good. No other network has risen so far and so fast in the history of talk radio. The reason the right wing must concentrate on these kinds of things is that the administration they've supported is a failure, so they have to. They try not to talk about the issues. Like Rush Limbaugh talking about how good Tom DeLay looked in his mug shot...
Obviously, she's completely out to lunch. As far as the WWRC ratings, they've been off the charts three out of the last four periods. It's not just a summer thing, it's a structural thing.
Posted at 06:18 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
Is Air America falling apart?
Janeane Garofalo is here in Cali filming the West Wing and taking time off from her radio gig on AAR. Meanwhile, Al Franken just lost his co-host. While I've alluded to this before, it needs to be asked again: is Air America Radio falling apart? You know how you get excited about something, then that day comes when you kinda lose interest and it's not so shiny anymore and you start looking for something new? Could that be happening to AAR?
The DUmmies discuss here. Smarties discuss in the comments.
Posted at 10:07 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
The Janeane Garofalo, West Wing alternate reality
The West Wing TV show is the alternate reality within which America's "liberals" live. The heroes of the show have this warm, comfy, hip, friendly sheen, with which they imbue the screen as they spritely walk from room to room as they fight against the force of evil: Republican candidate Vinick, as played by one of actual reality's forces of evil, Alan Alda.
I watched a few minutes of Janeane Garofalo's guest appearance on the show before I had to stop because I was laughing too hard.
She plays "Louise Thornton" (or was it "Louise Barton"?), plucky campaign strategist who Bob Schrum (Bradley Whitford) brings on board to keep the Smits (Jimmy Santos) campaign "real".
Thornton reputedly has a 200 IQ. However, one of Garofalo's deficiencies couldn't be disguised by lying scriptwriters: she's slightly taller than a Keebler elf. To correct for that, the cameraman shot from the ground up, making the top of her head appear to be only a little shorter than that of her co-stars. Apparently their insurance wouldn't cover a high enough box upon which she could stand.
UPDATE: The DUmmies, as can be expected, weigh in:
-- She was GREAT! And I swear whoever wrote her lines reads DU. She said a lot of things we've been saying right here! -- If I were a lesbian, I'd want to marry Janeane. She kicked total *&%$! Of course, she's even better on AAR when she has no directors, producers or writers, and just shoots from the hip and her vast understanding of politics, the government and human nuttiness.
Even more gender-bending ensues.
AAR tries to stir up some interest, offering an open thread for "West Wing gossip". It has 342 comments, and as far as I could tell none of them were about the show.
UPDATE 2: The ratings are in, and they are not good at all:
This week's episode averaged around 7.7 million viewers — and was soundly thrashed from 8 to 9 p.m. by timeslot winner "Cold Case" on CBS (16.2 million viewers), "Extreme Home Makeover" (ABC) and Fox's "The Simpsons"/"War at Home" combo
Posted at 08:21 PM | Comments (1)
Janeane Garofalo on West Wing: Sunday October 2
I'm so excited I've already turned the sound down in expectation. On October 2, Janeane Garofalo begins her special guest stint on the West Wing television program.
"G-lo" plays Louise Thornton, a plucky, controversial, yet constantly well-meaning media strategist who fights for the people. Kinda like Karl Rove with a heart and a brain and smaller boobs. Jimmy "Jiminy" Smits (played by soap opera heartthrob Matt Santos) hires G-lo to conduct a media campaign, but he - mistakenly - believes the only way to win is to stretch the truth.
Needless to say, sparky Janeane realizes that the way to win is to tell the voters the truth: Fawn drowned after Jimmy forgot that she was in the trunk on the way back from a midnight meeting to collect Indian bingo payoffs with crooked lobbyist Jack Wenchell (played by Hollywood bad boy Dennis Woodruff). But, he did not spend the money on himself. He needed the money to fund an anti-war protest by the 'Friendship and Solidarity with Cuba and North Korea Committee for Peaceful Tomorrows and to Stop The War And End Racism United for Peace and Justice Associated Coalition March 5 Action', which was able to stop plans by Republican Senator Sam McSnight who wanted to conduct a war for oil and baby seal blubber profits on Canada and who was working with a reactionary spy inside the WestWing to try to undermine the election.
Needless to say, Louise Thornton/Janeane Garofalo's televised campaign is a huge success, and the Peace and Freedom Party triumphs magnificently and even earns notice from the President of the United States, Martin Sheen!
Posted at 06:00 AM | Comments (2)
Janeane: back to brunette?
As previously discussed, Janeane Garofalo will be on the West Wing this season. This site links to this picture of America's troubled sweetheart. It's a bit creepy, featuring someone named Bradley Whitford, who's apparently a co-star on the WW.
However, note that G-lo appears to have dyed her hair brown, rather than her natural blonde locks. This is certainly an interesting development.
We are awaiting confirmation on this new look...
Posted at 11:48 AM | Comments (2)
Name-calling, shrieking prevail on Janeane Garofalo show
The article "CNN beefs up 'faith and values' reporting" contains the following:...Janeane Garofalo, an anchor on the liberal talk radio syndicate Air America, chose to scream at a religious caller who took her to task for joining mainstream America and labeling Sc|ent0l0gists as freaks, or something like that.
What could have been an opportunity to have a calm, rational discussion about the fact that religion has hurt a lot of people devolved into a bombastic tirade against faith in general. Garofalo is a smart, capable woman with a bully pulpit and hard left leanings. She could have used the moment to have a real conversation about religion. All the things she deplores about religion could be part of a discussion. She could have told the truth: that religion has hurt her, and a lot of other people. Instead, name-calling and shrieking prevailed...
Posted at 10:33 AM | Comments (1)
Janeane Garofalo to redefine "frumpy" in West Wing role
This worthless blurb on Janeane's appearances on the West Wing only tells you one thing you didn't know: her name on the show will be "Louise Thornton".
It does, however, include a picture of America's used-to-be-cute but now-is-troubled sweetheart from an appearance at a MoveOn concert way back in 2004. Larger version here.
Posted at 10:40 AM | Comments (2)
Janeane Garofalo on the West Wing
America's formerly-cute-but-still-troubled sweetheart will be appearing in the episodes of the West Wing this coming season.
She will be playing a media strategist.
She will demand more steak, less sizzle:
Her advice to move away from political gamesmanship and start speaking directly to voters ruffles feathers within the [Matt Santos (Jimmy Smits)] campaign, including those of Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford).
I invite my readers to take it from there. What dialogue and situations can you come up with that would be more entertaining that what will most likely end up on the air?
Perhaps - in a nod to current events - they could have Janeane's "media relations" company embroiled in a scandal. Then, it could all turn out to have been a witchhunt by the VRWC, led by a shadowy radio personality named "Speed Wilkins". The fact that it was all fake could be uncovered with the assistance of a multi-billionaire saint-like figure who funded a study by a group called "Public Matters for America". Martin Sheen could appeal to him for help, and the irascible but lovable billionaire could agree to help him in order to turn back the forces of evil!
Posted at 02:52 PM | Comments (0)
Janeane Garofalo never left a guest post on my blog
Here I've got a whole category just about her, but for some reason she appears to have left a guest post here. "Garofaloized"? I don't know whether that's really written by her, but it does sound like it could be her.
Posted at 02:30 PM | Comments (1)
Does Janeane Garofalo support the Iraqi resistance?
This is pretty shocking, but as there's no transcript available, I don't at this point know whether G-Lo has gone over to the enemy side or not. In any case, Anthony Lappe, Executive Editor of the Guerrilla News Network reports:I just got off the air on my friend Terrance McNally's excellent show on KPFK in Los Angeles. Also on was Code Pink's Jodie Evans [CP is Susan Medea Benjamin's group, and G-Lo has protested with CP in the past -- BA]. She just got back from Istanbul where she was attending the World Tribunal on Iraq, where Iraqis and others testified about American war crimes.Is America's cute-but-troubled sweetheart now supporting - directly or indirectly - those in Iraq who are killing other Iraqis as well as American troops? Perhaps someone who heard the interview can weigh in. I don't know when this guy appeared on G-Lo's show, but last week was June 20 to June 24.
Evans... said that we need to know it's OK to say we are with the Iraqi resistance, by which she meant a broad range of social forces in Iraq, including anti-occupation politicians, writers and activists. It wasn't clear how much she was saying she supported the insurgency itself, or merely supported their "right" to resist, but her overall message was clear: We need to be able to say we support the Iraqi resistance.
I agree. In principle. As Terrance pointed out, the UN Charter and all basic tenets of international law support a people's right to resist an invading and occupying army. As Janeane Garofalo and I talked about on Air America last week, it's a fairly simple thought experiment: It's 2030. The Chinese and Russians team up and invade the U.S. after manufacturing a non-existant threat. Would you be a collaborator or would you fight back, Red Dawn style?
Posted at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)
Did Janeane Garofalo have a facelift?
If River Selkie swears to it, it must be true. Over to this 29-year-old desert dweller who I've never heard of before:
by the way, i swear that janeane has had a face-lift. did anyone else see 'nadine in dateland' on the oxygen channel? she looks so different. she WAS so different. the movie wasn't so good, but as a fan i always watch her movies anyway and mostly they are good...
Anyone else want to comment on the possibility that Janeane has had a facelift? Recall that she previously admitted having had a diminishment of her cleavage area.
Posted at 10:33 AM | Comments (0)
Nadine in Date Land with Janeane Garofalo showing on Oxygen
America's cute-but-troubled sweetheart is in a new movie. No, it's not one of those things you see in theaters, in this case it's on the Oxygen Network. It certainly sounds like a wacky work of art:
LOS ANGELES, January 11, 2005 - What you can't do, teach! Enter Nadine - a 30-something, down-on-her-luck matchmaker who can't even seem to fix her own loveless love life. In Oxygen's newest romantic comedy, Nadine in Date Land, actress-comedienne Janeane Garofalo stars as Nadine, owner of a dating service that needs a professional revamping soon to prevent her business endeavor from closing its dating doors. The two-hour Oxygen original movie premieres Saturday, June 25 at 8pm/7C.
To get the inside scoop, we turned to Debby Beece, who's Oxygen President of Programming. According to her, "Janeane's brilliant talent and comedic timing makes Nadine irresistibly loveable... Our audience will find themselves cheering for the underdog every step of the way." Yes, I'm sure they will.
Two medium market newspapers are the only ones I've found so far that have given any recent attention to this oeuvre. And, strangely enough, they're both in the South. See "With 'saccharine' factor out, Garofalo happy in role" or the oddly similar "Janeane Garofalo jumps in front of the camera for TV movie, but radio is her main focus".
Posted at 06:26 AM | Comments (0)
Janeane Garofalo poker sitcom not picked up
In sad but essentially meaningless news, Janeane Garofalo's sitcom about professional poker player Annie Duke was not picked up, the North Jersey Media Group eventually reports. This previous post says that it had been picked up, but that statement might have been inserted by a Rovian disruptor.
In other completely non-essential news, the AP's "Six News Junkies Offer Ideas to CBS" reports on the vapid thoughts of 5 liberals and one liberaltarian, including Janeane who says:
"The most interesting and compelling thing [CBS News] could do is tell the truth. If they really spoke truth to power, and were actually watchdogs of government and industry, it would be fascinating. You say it wouldn't get ratings? How would we know?"
Let's repeat that last bit just to prolong the laughter:
"You say it wouldn't get ratings? How would we know?"
Posted at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)
Surreality Bites: Janeane Garofalo and 9/11
The site total911.info alerts us to this unconfirmed post from a Yahoo group:
For several weeks now, Janeane hasn't let a show go by without some criticism of the official 9/11 story. And she keeps getting more & more critical of it. She's discussed the CIA insider trading/Airline put options, she's discussed NORAD being ordered to stand down, she's discussed Bin Laden being CIA, she's discussed PsyOps and mind control, etc. She's had guests on from Guerilla News Network, who've been producing 9/11 skeptic material for years now. She's done everything but come out & shout: "9/11 was an inside job!" A couple weeks ago she said; "I think I'm turning into a conspiracy theorist". Then, a couple days ago she said: "Maybe the conspiracy theorists aren't crazy after all." She even promoted William Cooper's book "Behold a Pale Horse"!Sadly, America's cute-but-troubled sweetheart Janeane Garofalo continues her descent. But, on a wackily humorous note, the poster misspells her co-host's name as "Sam Cedar."
Posted at 01:27 PM | Comments (0)
Political acumen of Janeane Garofalo criticized
Incredibly long-winded and pompous screenwriter Thomas McKelvey Cleaver (credits) apparently knew America's cute-but-troubled sweetheart back in the day, and he offers the following advice which I'm happy to pass along:...Unfortunately, the same thing cannot be said about "The Majority Report." Janeane and Sam might be "knowledgeable amateurs", but the emphasis has to be on the second word. They're hip, they're ironic, and too often they're an embarassment to anyone who actually knows something about the subject at hand. This is particularly true with Janeane, who is making it more and more apparent that she never took a political science or history class in college.
...Janeane seems to have gotten interested in conspiracy theories, and she is more and more sounding (to me) like the left wing version of Art Bell (though she has yet to say that Richard Nixon was conspiring with space aliens). Her lack of educated background is starting to show, and I say that sadly, because she has the ability to attract the "non-expert" political junkies and get them involved, which is a good thing. But not when we feed them cheap baloney and tell them it's steak!
Janeane - in case you (or your researcher) read this, listen up: There has never ever been a successful conspiracy, because the more people who are involved, the greater the likelihood some moron is going to brag to someone about what they are doing. When I was writing cop shows, a very good cop I know said "we only catch the dumb ones, the ones who talk." For conspiracies of the level you are interested in to work, you are talking about several thousand people not talking. Sorry, it's not in human nature for that to happen...
Posted at 11:51 AM | Comments (1)
Janeane Garofalo hates the right
I seem to have missed the screed "I hate the right: they're a bunch of stupid stupids" from BoreAmerica favorite Janeane Garofalo. It appears to be from November of last year, and herewith a partial fisk:I hate the right because they're all about thwarting people's potential. They hinder imagination and the ability to move forward toward enlightenment and modernity.You have such a pretty face, but I'm torn on the blonde thing. On the one hand I like the contrast, on the other I think I might prefer your more natural color. And, could you dress up kinda preppy? That link says preppy fashion is back in style. But, since it's from 2003 a "liberal" would say, "2003? It might as well be last century!" But, to us right-wingers, 2003 is as close as yesterday.
...If you watched the Republican National Convention, it was basically the Flat Earth Society convening in Madison Square Garden. I covered the convention for Air America Radio, hour after hour after hour. It was the worst collection of white people in America, under one roof, I've ever seen...Obviously, if Janeane had attended the Black Conservatives Convention, she would never refer to them as "the worst collection of black people in America". And, if she did, she'd be forced to say the equivalent of 1000 Hail Marys by the "liberal" establishment.
...They love to pretend that they are the patriots, and they love to pretend that they support the troops. But what's their number one thing? No taxes. That's their number one prime mover—they don't want to pay into the system...Obviously, Garofalo has confused "conservatives" with "Grover Norquist". Yes, he's VRWC Member #8, but that doesn't mean every other member agrees with him. Go on Janeane, yes, I'm paying attention to your thoughts...
...They're not capitalists—they're corporate profiteerists. They're robber barons. Guys like Grover Norquist are trying to push things toward a feudal society...Believe it or don't, this was a "live fisk." In other words, I didn't read the article before I started my work. It looks like I have been proved correct: she thinks #8 and everyone else agrees on everything.
Then there is the immigration issue. This is interesting with the right, because there's a little bit of elasticity there. Whatever's politically expedient, whatever will get more votes, they'll vacillate toward it.You're so cute when you get righteously angry, Janeane. But, once again, you're confusing George Bush and your false view of Pat Buchanan with what everyone else thinks. Consider the preppy thing, OK? You know, Catholic schoolgirl, something like that. We right-wingers do have one thing in common: plaid turns us on.
Posted at 11:24 AM | Comments (0)
I'd dearly love to, but she's going to have to ditch the dye job first
The title is my attempt to come up with a cheap pun based on Janeane's sitcom "All In" being picked up. The sitcom concerns Annie Duke, single mom and professional poker player.
Headlines include:
Garofalo has winning hand for NBC 'All In'
There are more. Surprisingly, the coverage from the National Enquirer is quite reserved, almost blurb-like.
A chronology of the casting is here. Rumor has it that the scripts for the first decade of the show have already been computed using template #B37.
For a taste of the echt, as always, we turn to the Poker Geek:
My guess is that you'll be able to say All In is about poker as much as you can say Everybody Loves Raymond is about writing a sports column.
6-21-05 UPDATE: Now see Janeane Garofalo poker sitcom not picked up.
Posted at 09:33 PM | Comments (0)
"Garofalo lives longtime dream on Air America"
My dream involves Janeane ditching the blonde hair and getting a preppie makeover. Meanwhile back to Garofalo's dream:
Minutes before showtime on a Tuesday night, Janeane Garofalo slides into the studio carrying a microphone and a backpack stuffed with research. On the desk she lines up provisions: a can of supercaffeinated Red Bull, a can of diet Sunkist, an enormous bottle of water...She goes on to jab "those red-state value voters" who are "really, really supportive of the rights of a globule of presentient cells" but whose state laws permitted capital punishment for juveniles. She takes a few shots at the president, whom she regularly labels a hypocrite and a liar. Just for variety, she assails actor and Bush supporter Ron Silver.
And that's just in the first 15 minutes...
Ka-ching!
Posted at 07:36 PM | Comments (1)
Tom Greene, American?
Tom Greene, alledged comedian and admitted Canadian: "[I went on a USO tour, the next day the hotel we were staying at was bombed, etc. etc...]"
Janeane: "[how did that make you feel? .... what if that had happened when you were there... ... .... .... I mean ... would it have been worth it? ... ... if you, Tom Greene, had been .... blown up.... what would it have been for?...."
Tom Greene, supposed comedian: "[... we weren't really in any danger...]... but, I understand what you mean.... I just went there to support the guys...]"
About midway through the last, Greene realized he was on "liberal" radio and gave a polite nod to Janeane's stumbling inability to articulate any reason why someone might support our efforts in Iraq.
Greene ended by suggesting that one day Janeane should go on a USO tour herself. She mumbled something quite non-commital.
Coming soon: tape recording these shows and transcripts!
Posted at 09:04 PM | Comments (0)
Don't cry Janeane!
From our DU correspondent:
OMG!!! Garofalo is GOING OFF on AAR!
crying over a letter, and dissing the republicans HARD while at the same time lambasting Democrats who blame HER and her "condescension" for losing the election (which is what the letter she was crying over was about). Must be DLC people.
Posted at 07:26 PM | Comments (0)
A blogger listens to Air America
Blogger "Mindles H. Dreck" discusses an AA discussion of a book about the defense department exercising editorial control over movies. Janeane suggests a class action lawsuit against movie makers or some such.
Posted at 03:35 PM | Comments (0)
